i just heard a bouncing noise and then that was followed by my dad saying
"oh no my potato"
I have all the characteristics of a human being: flesh, blood, skin, hair; but not a single, clear, identifiable emotion, except for greed and disgust.
doing a math question on a multiple choice test and getting an answer that isnt even listed as one of the choices
I want a lava lamp
what a time to be alive
sorry your password must contain the entire alphabet, your left foot, a theme song to a television show, and the blood of your enemies
Stephen Colbert gave Jimmy the lowdown on his dinner with the FLOTUS.
Outside the theatre: Lol superstitious people are dumb.
Inside the theatre: DON'T SAY THE SCOTTISH PLAY YOU'RE GONNA CURSE US
DON'T WHISTLE IN THE THEATRE IT'LL ATTRACT EVIL SPIRITS
DON'T WISH AN ACTOR "GOOD LUCK" YOU'RE GONNA JINX IT